apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
