i just had sex bonerless
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
