Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
