I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
