Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
