I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
