I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
