Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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