So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
