Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
