Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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