It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
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I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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