he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
May the power of my ass compel you!!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
