some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
