I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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