i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
