And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
