i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
