So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
