Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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