I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
