I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
