So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
