here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
