Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
