Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
