how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
