Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
