FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
