you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
