WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
