it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
