Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
