Well douche your snatch and let's go!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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