I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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