That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
