I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
