So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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