Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
