Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
