Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
