Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
