No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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