haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
