its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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