He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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