My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
