She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Enjoy the penises
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
