I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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