I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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