my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
