It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
