Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
