I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
