Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
