I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
