New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
