I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
