i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
