I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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