Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
