I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I CAN MOONWALK!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
