What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
