ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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