its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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