saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
