Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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