Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
