Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i think i have two assholes
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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