Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
