i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
