are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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