I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
