Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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