Texts From Last Night

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  (309): View more from Illinois

  nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol

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  (309): nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol http://tfl.nu/jhs1
  Replies (54) Good night (1654) Bad night (3345)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced

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  (254): Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced http://tfl.nu/tkdm
  Replies (8) Good night (3850) Bad night (495)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.

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  (828): I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick. http://tfl.nu/fiht
  Replies (34) Good night (6181) Bad night (1669)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass

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  (239): i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass http://tfl.nu/a9ff
  Replies (12) Good night (3910) Bad night (1013)
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  (650): View more from California

  Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.

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  (650): Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right. http://tfl.nu/x2bs
  Replies (3) Good night (2719) Bad night (852)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl

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  (573): the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl http://tfl.nu/glhm
  Replies (8) Good night (1419) Bad night (2524)
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  (779): View more from Illinois

  We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..

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  (779): We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time.. http://tfl.nu/hdfa
  Replies (2) Good night (2182) Bad night (867)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.

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  (810): She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself. http://tfl.nu/zfk0
  Replies (10) Good night (1029) Bad night (2662)
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  (661): View more from California

  im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom

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  (661): im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom http://tfl.nu/xude
  Replies (3) Good night (1010) Bad night (659)
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  (619): View more from California

  No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.

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  (619): No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch. http://tfl.nu/4axa
  Replies (6) Good night (3145) Bad night (568)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.

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  (254): I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here. http://tfl.nu/xtpc
  Replies (18) Good night (396) Bad night (1982)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.

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  (989): I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night. http://tfl.nu/dsb1
  Replies (2) Good night (746) Bad night (316)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.

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  (469): I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years. http://tfl.nu/9l4v
  Replies (5) Good night (761) Bad night (502)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Whats your number? 5 or more?

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.

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  (512): Whats your number? 5 or more? (973): Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish. http://tfl.nu/b76i
  Replies (1) Good night (535) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.

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  (480): He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps. http://tfl.nu/9n8s
  Replies (4) Good night (334) Bad night (220)

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