my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
