Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
