Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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