Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Together?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Preferably.

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  (847): So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch. (541): Together? (847): Preferably. http://tfl.nu/lik5
  Replies (21) Good night (3450) Bad night (685)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.

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  (301): you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop. http://tfl.nu/0o9n
  Replies (19) Good night (7302) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.

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  (610): The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed. http://tfl.nu/1baq
  Replies (21) Good night (4351) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.

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  (224): My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it. http://tfl.nu/fqyk
  Replies (18) Good night (1015) Bad night (2840)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm

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  (702): Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm http://tfl.nu/d1by
  Replies (1) Good night (2162) Bad night (765)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall

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  (440): Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall http://tfl.nu/to1l
  Replies (4) Good night (1845) Bad night (1489)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?

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  (503): So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it? http://tfl.nu/4plu
  Replies (14) Good night (3850) Bad night (1121)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.

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  (253): If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life. http://tfl.nu/jc0t
  Replies (15) Good night (3498) Bad night (990)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??

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  (801): Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think?? http://tfl.nu/0ul5
  Replies (6) Good night (808) Bad night (467)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.

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  (360): I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day. http://tfl.nu/9n5p
  Replies (1) Good night (883) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.

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  (828): Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high. http://tfl.nu/spu2
  Replies (1) Good night (812) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  The student becomes the teacher.

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  (816): It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar. (314): The student becomes the teacher. http://tfl.nu/thu8
  Replies (1) Good night (611) Bad night (516)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.

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  (773): my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar. http://tfl.nu/vpt2
  Replies (3) Good night (1282) Bad night (411)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.

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  (503): My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon. (503): I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me. http://tfl.nu/sdzr
  Replies (6) Good night (990) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.

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  (602): I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad. http://tfl.nu/26xd
  Replies (3) Good night (199) Bad night (399)

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