dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal