Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
