My liver just broke up with me...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
