Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he fucked my hip out of place.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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