i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
