If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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